November has arrived and here we all are, running from place to place in order to escape the cruel indifference of the cold that plagues us. But November doesn't just mean we suffer until our car's heat begins working and nor does it just mean we curse the name of Jack Frost under our now translucent breath. November is the beginning of what we call the "Holiday Season." And there's nothing like a healthy dose of holiday pedantry to ring in the good times. So now let me utter four syllables that will make some of you jump for joy and some of you bubble with anger akin to a terrifying monster. That's right, Christmas music.
Christmas music is a highly debated topic around this time. And I am here to help guide those who haven't formed an opinion to enlightenment (and grossly misrepresent one side of the argument so you will agree with me in a comedic way). So for those of you who think this is serious, it isn't. To each, his own.
Is Christmas music something that should be relegated to only Black Friday until Christmas? Some would say a very passionate "Yes!" To them, Christmas music is festive music that helps usher in feelings of the Christmas season. Many argue that early music would take our focus off of Thanksgiving and that the music would just get annoying after awhile. I would ask these monsters one question. What should be played before Thanksgiving then? Thanksgiving songs? What Thanksgiving songs are there other than the ones that people twist the words and meaning in order to make it applicable? I'm not aware of any. So to you Christmas reformers and Thanksgiving Liberation Groups, I request this.
1. No love songs outside of the month of February.
2. No Beach Boys outside of June-August.
3. Forget the National Anthem and all other patriotic songs until July.
4. And songs about horror, October only.
5. Oh, and finally, you may only listen to music of the current calendar year.
So if you are to stay consistent, oh Crusaders of Christmas, I hope you abide by these rules while the rest of us enjoy both Thanksgiving AND Christmas, love songs, and pre-2014 hits. Thank you for your time.
And Remember,
No matter how far you go, there's still 26 (pedantic) letters ahead of you.
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